I was recently talking to one of my coaching clients (let’s call him Paul) and he shared a story with me about how he had been wronged by one of his co-workers. Paul had entered his prospect’s name in the system, but his co-worker didn’t see it when they searched the system before working with the prospect (it came down to a spelling error). The co-worker ended up closing the deal and Paul felt he had been wronged. He had a hard time getting over it and felt that the co-worker and manager didn’t handle the situation properly.
Now, we all have to deal with situations where we feel we’ve been wronged, but Paul just couldn’t get over it. Paul lost his mojo. He let the lost income not only affect his day, week or month – he let it affect his entire year!
Here are a few things to remember the next time you feel like you have been wronged:
- Don’t sulk. We can all relate, right? We’ve all lost a deal that put us in a funk, but the important thing is the length of time you allow yourself to sit in your funk (I wrote more about getting out of your funk here).
- Don’t hold a grudge. Grudges block positive thoughts. Holding a grudge against someone else does not affect their business – it’s only going to affect your own.
- Take ownership. Regardless of how the situation went down, find a way to take some personal ownership. For example, if you were doing an excellent job of following up with your prospect, wouldn’t they tell your co-worker they were already working with you?
- Deal with it, then let it go. What could have been a small issue ended up having far-reaching effects because Paul didn’t clear air, clear the wrong from his consciousness, and move on. Regardless of how difficult it may be to have a conversation with the person you feel wronged you, it is a necessary conversation. Then, you have to forgive them and let it go. And if the person who wronged you is someone you never have to deal with again – even better: just take a deep breath, forgive them, and let it go. As long as you are still hanging onto it, it is going to continue to bring you down.
I remember a time that I felt that I was wronged. I was simply calling on a prospect and when I finally reached my decision maker he was awful to me and hung up abruptly. Not just unpleasant – I’m talking seriously nasty. It was totally uncalled for.
I was angry, I was shocked, and I wanted to do something about it. I researched and found out who the owner of the company was; I was going to call them to share my thoughts about the leaders of their organization. I spent hours sulking over his rudeness; in fact I lost an entire day over it! I was going to get even.
I’m so glad I didn’t. I had a call with my coach that afternoon and I shared my story, but as I relived the story I had an awful realization… I had let someone else take my joy.
Instead of getting even, I decided that I was the one who needed to change. I took my daily affirmation statement off my wall and added a new line – and that one line has been a constant reminder that I am the only one who can give someone else permission to ruin my day. The line simply reads: I respect everyone – even Mr. No Joy. Now whenever I feel wronged, I simply say to myself, “Wow, that guy needs more joy in his life!”
Then I chuckle.
Then I let it go.
Until next time – go sell some stuff!
Question: Got any tips on not holding a grudge? You can leave a comment by clicking here.